Ling’s Meltdown

 By Jim Patterson

 

We were freezin' our asses off somewhere in Norway (doing one of the SiTCA

missions) and having problems receiving commo.  Seems the Russians were

jamming the hell out of us and we couldn't get squat in.  Our commo guy was

a dude named Ling Wong.  This guy was so freakin' smart that he built a

filter out of sticks, RF wire, toilet paper and some spoons.  We filtered

out the jamming and started to receive commo. Now, back to Ling....Ling went

on to be part of the design team for the C-17.  This guy was

brilliant...but, was one of those guys too freakin' smart.  We called him

"rick-shaw Wong" as he could completely demolish a 5 ton truck just by

backing it up.  Destroyed I-don't know-how-many twice-and-a-halfs.  Got to

be that we wouldn't allow him to operate a #2 pencil without the team daddy

watching him.  But in ways of commo - could make it with a piece of wire, a

battery and a stick.  No kidding.  We're sitting around a white-mans fire

(so big you can't get next to it to get warm) and Top asks if the batteries

to the 70 are squared away (these are the batteries that you had to

"short-out" in cold weather or the internal heater would drain it).  Ling

says no problem top.  Top says, "are you sure"??  Ling says: "got it

covered".  Top says one more time...."are you positive??"  Ling says..."Yes

top, for christs sake, I put them in the fire to keep them warm".  No shit,

we looked over where he put them to see a faint greenish glow coming from

the ashes where the battery had completely melted down.  Top was so pissed,

we didn't have the heart to tell him it didn't matter much as ling had left

the codes back on his bunk in the launch site.  Yes, these were the

classified codes.  Fun mission all around.

 

 Jim still wondering why the batteries cost $8,000.00 a piece as they looked

kind of runny and loose in the fire.....