by Steve Shanahan

I got to be in charge of the security element of 'Yards there
when I was processing in, in late Oct 1969. They didn't know what to do with
me. The assignment lasted about 5 days (including my convoy to Ben Het)
before I fucked up. I was insubordinate with a shaved headed 03 who
supposedly ran HQS at C-2. He had MY 'Yards, My Little People, MY troops,
emptying that damn C-2 swimming pool with buckets and garbage cans when they
should have been on poc time after guarding the perimeter all nite. My sense
of fair play and decency was grossly offended. This guy was a short prick, a
weight lifter with a little man's complex of power issues. I wish I could
think of his name.  I ended up losing the argument, challenged him to a fist
fight (which I prolly would have lost) and got sent to BuPrang forthwith.
Hallelujah! I was an idiot and he was a prick. Advantage prick. Anybody
remember his name? I think we've been thru this before.

Anyway, here's the amusing deal I was sending.......

Subject:  Those Military Years ! 1945 vs 1999

1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desksfor doing daily reports.
1999 - everyone has an Internet access computer, and they wonder why no work
is getting done.
1945 - we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
1999 - they put the real thing in the cockpit.
1945 - if you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the
barracks to sleep it off.
1999 - if you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.
1945 - you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
1999 - you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and etreat
because you're out of ammo.
1945 - canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot
chocolate in them.
1999 - canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and the
water always taste like plastic.
1945 - officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
1999 - officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie.
1945 - they collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
1999 - they collect your pee and analyze it.
1945 - if you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until
you straightened up.
1999 - if you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you
1945 - medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
1999 - medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.
1945 - you slept in barracks like a soldier.
1999 - you sleep in a dormitory like a collegekid.
1945 - you ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the
food you wanted.
1999 - you eat in a dining facility, every slice
of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.
1945 - we defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
1999 - we come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia.
1945 - if you wanted to relax, you went to the rec. center, played pool,
smoked, and drank beer.1999 - you go to the community center and you can play
1945 - if you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers'
1999 - the beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is
watching how much you drink.
1945 - the Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
1999 - you can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart.
1945 - we could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
1999 - we are wearing helmets that look just like theirs.
1945 - we called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't
like them.
1999 - we call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't
want to offend them.
1945 - victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things
were broken.
1999 - victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.
1945 - a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
1999 - a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.
1945 - wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
1999 - wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.
1945 - we were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to
1999 - we don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is committed
to social programs (used to be called  'socialism').
1945 - all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian
1999 - all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.