...Here is the After Action Report on Bob
Jack's, Al Dunnem's, Ken Houy’s,
& the Plunderer's Special Forces gathering at __________
Wisconsin Fishing Cabin /Expedition.
We
loaded up the Ford Excursion and were on our way out of Chicago and by 5 pm we
had hit the road for a Special Forces Fishing Trip .The jokes and war stories
began to fly and we were all in tears of laughter for the next 400
miles.......Then Ken's wife called and it was then we heard ..."Hi
Honey...Yes we are all here on the road having a great time..Yes
we are making good time and are almost 1/3 rd of the way there....I will talk
to you later bye dear"......We silently did the math in our heads and
realized we were on a long road trip....after a stunned first few seconds Al
and Bob began to check the road maps for a shorter way.there
was nothing but a 4 ' line on the map from Chicago to ___ Cabin...
Never
the less Ken was a great driver and kept us on the road and we soon pulled over
to gas up and stretch our legs at a truck stop featuring a Mc Donald's .There
was also an entire room full of fireworks for sale that would give any true
demo man a wet dream..Al and the plunderer took
almost an hour trying to decide which explosives to buy.
Al
wanted the pretty sky burst boomers while Ben preferred something closer to a
hand grenade for fishing and some cherry bombs to liven up our arrival
simulating overrunning an enemy position.Bob Jack was
more interested in the McDonalds big Mac's....Ken patiently puffed on his pipe.
As
we continued to slowly inch our way up the map we saw a town called
"Clintonville"
where the locals had bolted large boards painted black
bolted over the Clinton part of the large highway signs.We
knew we were in Republican territory and immediately began to feel our spirits
rise.
After
several more pit stops for gas and food to keep us entertained we began to
travel into the dark of the woods looking for ___ place...which was so secret
there was no sign other than a small dirt road trailing off into the dark
forest, which looked exactly like the other 1,500 little dark dirt roads leading
into the forests.About a mile down the little road we
saw a bonfire illuminating a small cabin through the trees .
We
were met by a strange fellow who began pounding on Bob Jacks window with a machete.There ,
dressed in his CIA issued wig disguised as Salvadorian drag queen stood ___.___
had 2nd degree burns all over his face and body from sitting by the campfire
for 15 hours waiting for us to arrive.He looked like
such a welcome sight the plunderer also layed him.
It
was 4 am and we had arrived!We had made our way to ___'s
cabin with out getting lost.We were very impressed
until Ken told us he had driven up several days earlier to help ___ get the
cabin ready so he knew the way.
We
threw our bags in the cabin and went back and sat around ___'s campfire and
began to spin war stories and jokes and get reacquainted ...why waste a good campfire ..we broke out some beer and continued bullshitting
until about
Forty
seconds later everyone had claimed a space and bed and was sound asleep.
Imagine
5 SF fucking old guys snoring away in very close quarters for the next 8 hours.
No
bear in the forest would be fool enough to approach the cabin emitting this
much noise.I think the fish even swam to the other
end of the lake because those big fuckers were nowhere to be found..The plunderer consumed his sleeping potion mixed
with a large glass of scotch to sleep through the day and came in 2nd as the
loudest snorer in the group.First place was taken by ___
who gave a command performance , however everyone did
their part except Bob Jack who kept giggling in his sleep.
When
we awoke about
___
also enlightened us about a great little tavern and cafe about a mile away , however the only problem was it had burned to the
ground 2 days before we arrived.
No
problem Ken loaded us into his Huge Ford Expedition and drove us 60 miles to
some other town where we got our fishing licenses and went to the grocery
store.___ had a list of needed groceries and the 5 of us wandered the small
grocery's isles adding additional items to the 2 full grocery carts we pushed..
Everything
was going fine till ___ announced we ought to pick up a couple of fly swatters
for the boats....I was not about to play pass the fly swatter on the boat so I
bought 5 fly swatters...one for each of us.That was
the point when the cashier knew we were not from Wisconsin..
After
buying $300.00 worth of provisions we headed over to the fishing pole shop
where Ken plunked down $350.00 for a great fishing rod and real and a fine
assortment of tourist fishing plugs for another $100.00.There was also a barrel
of walking sticks for sale...I mean these were just plain fucking sticks
starting from $29.00 to $49.99 .Nothing had been done to the walking sticks but
a leather thong that was tied on the handle.I think ___
could make a fortune with a chain saw and a road side stand that said sticks
for sale.Sixty more miles and we were back at ___'s
cabin in the woods.This is a beautiful cabin sitting
about 30 feet from the water with a quaint little outhouse about 6 feet from
the water.
We
tied ___'s parachute canopy between some trees for an out door mess hall and
began to settle into organizing our camp site.The plunderer
found a hammer and a can of nails and began making a few minor improvements to
the cabin and the cook site area.It is not easy to
organize a cabin with few shelves and things to hang stuff on, so the nails
proved to be very handy much to the annoyance of Big Al who was trying to sleep
while all the hammering was going on.Finally there
were enough nails in the cabin to hang every conceivable thing on ,or out of
the way giving the cabin an extra 100 sq.' .
Next
the plunderer to the amazement of the others added a flush toilet and
introduced a new brand of toilet paper (baby wipes) leaving everyone with that
fresh scented "Huggies" smell.
Rain
began to fall as we got both boats into the water and tied up securely.___
unsuccessfully tried to convince everyone that the fish were much easier to
catch in the rain and we spent the next three days in the cabin watching Jay
Leno ,getting drunk, and sleeping.
Ken
Houy kept disappearing for more sixty mile trips to
town for this or that however we really suspect he just wanted to talk to his
wife on his cellular and find a porcelain toilet somewhere.
The
fifth day was a beautiful sunny day and the decision was made to actually go fishing.We spent a good part of the day casting expensive
tourist lures into the water trying to convince the fish that our lures looked
like something that might really be delicious except for the three treble hooks
attached to them.After about 10,000 casts the plunder
took his line out of the water and decided his bottle of Black Label was a hell
of a lot more fun then catching a log or a fish that was inedible and kicked
back and began to enjoy the surroundings.Not long
after everyone was getting hungry and wanting to go back and eat and nap the
fish were not biting anyway .
The
sixth day and night was more rain.___ informed us the next day we would be
running the rapids of a river in the boats and we need to go to a boat landing
just around the corner and put the boats back on their trailers so they could
be hauled to the river...He neglected to tell us that they also sold pizza and
had a bar.....after loading the boats and hauling them back to ___'s we
unhitched the Huge Ford Expedition from the boat trailer, piled back into the
Expedition and made a bee line trip back to the bar and ate 5 pizzas and a
bunch of beer.
The high light
of the night was watching ___ and Al throw expensive darts at an electronic
dart board that didn't work , while Ken pumped $5.00 into a slot machine that
said for amusement purposes only...NO PAY OFF.Ken
then went over and pumped $5.00 into the Juke Box and started selecting some
polkas and other so so songs at which point the
plunderer slipped the bartender $5.00 for a remote control that would delete
the music....Each time Ken selected a song I let it play a few notes and
deleted it....Ken went through $5.00 and had a fit until he found out the joke
was on him.I tried to explain to him that it was also
for amusement purposes only...and eventually stuck in $5.00 and played the
whole "Eagles" album.
The
plunderer interrogated the bar maid as she made pizzas .I mentioned that we
were going to ride the rapids tomorrow and she said "Oh no you can't do
that ,the river has been closed for the last two days and was not deep enough
to navigate by boat.It will be too shallow
.".The reason she knew this information was because her husband was the
one who controlled how much water went through the damn from the lake by ___'s cabin.We closed the bar being the only 4 guys in the place
at 10 pm and went back to watch Jay Leno which was the only channel available
and Bob Jack insisted he was commander of the remote control for the entire trip .
Back
at the cabin I tried to break the bad news to the FOG's
with little success that the river would be to shallow, however ___ our trusted
guide and host told us the bar maid was full of shit.This
was an SF group and we were going to do it anyway.
The
next morning was another beautiful sunny day .Perfect weather for running the
river's rapids .Everyone was up at dawn and enjoyed a hearty breakfast prepared
by Al and Ken.___ packed up lunches and put the tackle etc.in
the 2 boats.Everyone was excited to run the rapids
....all except the plunderer who opted to stay behind and heed the advice of
the bartender..As soon as the FOG's
left the camp I popped one of my sleeping potions and did not even wake up till
about 5 pm that afternoon.I continued to improve ___'s
cabin hammering nails into the walls late into the night .The refrigerator was
packed with left over BBQ ribs ,Pizza, scotch,bread and anything one would need to survive 6
months in the cabin.The plunderer stuffed himself
with a little bit of everything and watched "Jay Leno" and took
another sleeping potion.Sometime around
2-3
am the 4 SF commandos dragged their asses into cabin and crashed.I
found out the next morning that my intelligence source had indeed been right
and the SF commandos (wanabe Seals) ended up dragging
and pushing their motor boats down stream about 4 miles.
The
best part was when they thanked me for not accompanying them as my additional
weight would have torn the bottoms out of the boats and we would have had to
camp over night in 20 degree weather getting real miserable because ken didn't
bring enough pajamas or sleeping bags for the river trip.
Bob
Jack did make the best of things though as he caught a 6' Musky and a fresh water 2 " clam with an 8" lure.The rest is history.
The
last day was spent removing half of the nails I had installed and breaking down
the camp leaving ___ with enough food to feed another A
team for a week.
It
took us much less time to get back to civilization because we had good weather
and Ben and Bob Jack slept most of the way back being over come by the smoke
from Al chain smoking cigarettes and Ken's pipe puffing away and throwing
sparks into the back seat..
Arriving
in Chicago we all had 5 min each to go back to Ken's and shower and shave and
then he graciously drove us to the airport where we departed for separate parts
of the USA.
I
will not go into the facts of my trip home by United Airlines other than to say
that at the United Airlines Friendly Skys ticket wall
in back of the ticket counter in LA now says in very large magic marker "
Our planes may be friendly but they are always fucking late" .I had a 5
fucking hour delay for a 30 min flight from LA to Santa Barbara...The security
sirens were going off for two hours and no one could turn them off..It was driving everyone nuts .Finally all the ticket
agents said fuck it and left because of all the complaints.That's
when I made my move and left the embarrassing message on the wall behind the agents.I hope the video cameras were not on...God there is
no place like home.
My
sincere thanks to our wonderful _________ for allowing us to use his cabin and
for being so patient with us.Al,Ken,
Bob, the plunderer, and ___ all got along great and had the time of our life.One thing we did learn is that we ain't
the young super studs we use to be we got by just fine and we all learned that
there could be life without a computer (for up to 10 days)
This
is the plunderer's version and I am standing by it.
END