• Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it? 
   
• Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? 
   
• Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? 
   
• Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? 
   
• On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'?  How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot? 
   
• Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
   
• cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance? 
   
• Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try? 
   
• How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures? 
   
• Why do we wash BATH towels?  Aren't we clean when we use them?  If not then what was the purpose of the bath? 
   
• Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear? 
   
• When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'Its all right'?  It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'? 
   
• Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step? 
   
• Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? 
   
• Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed? 
   
• In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? 
   
• Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers? 
   
• Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men? 
   
• Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened? 
   
• If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex? 
   
• Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays?  Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year? 
   
• Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks? 
   
• How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes? 
   
• Why do men forget everything and women remember everything? 
   
• Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food? 
   
• Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes?  After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things. 
   
• Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women? 
   
• If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to? 
   
• How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 
   
• If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 
   
• Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 
   
• Why do you have to "put your two cents in" ...  but it's only a "penny for your thoughts" Where's that extra penny going to? 
   
• Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? 
   
• Why does a round pizza come in a square box? 
   
• How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 
   
• Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? 
   
• Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? 
   
• Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 
   
• How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? 
   
• Why do doctors leave the room while you change?  They're going to see you naked anyway. 
   
• If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? 
   
• I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing.  If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! 
   
• When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
   
• Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? 
   
• Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. 
   
• Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison? 
   
• If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! 
   
• Why is it that brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever?