HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:    (new 2004 version)

 1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
 2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
 3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
 4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
 5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
 6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
 7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
 8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
 9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
 10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
 11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
 12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

 1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
 2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
 3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
 4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
 5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
 6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN! DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
 7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
 8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
 9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
 10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
 11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.