HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND
BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: (new 2004 version)
1. She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
2. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER - She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
3. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
4. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
5. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
6. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
7. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
8. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
9. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
10. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
11. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.
12. She is not a TWO-BIT WHORE - She is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a BEER GUT - He has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
2. He is not a BAD DANCER - He is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
3. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME - He INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
4. He is not BALDING - He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
5. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER - He prefers GENERATIONALLY DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS
6. He does not get FALLING-DOWN! DRUNK -He becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
7. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS - He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
8. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG - He has SWINE EMPATHY.
9. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT - He is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED
10. He is not HORNY - He is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
11. It's not his crack you see hanging out of his pants....It is MALE CLEAVAGE.