Ted Kennedy Fights Removal of Feeding Tube

http://jerhad.typepad.com/.shared/image.html?/photos/uncategorized/tedkennedy_1.JPGWASHINGTON, DC --- Ted Kennedy, who was recently declared brain-dead by his physician, is fighting for his life.  The Senator's family is trying to have his feeding tube removed to allow him to die a sober death.  The tube, attached to a bottle of vodka and a bottle of gin, has been utilized by the senator for his entire adult life.  Medical experts believe removal will almost certainly result in death.

"This is a very complex situation," said one medical expert.  "Senator Kennedy appears to be functioning normally to many people, but it is quite obvious that the man is brain-dead by his public comments.  Most of us in the medical community think he should be allowed to have a dignified death by sobering him up and removing his feeding tube."

Liberals were stuck in a quandary today as they want Terri Schiavo dead, but they don't want Ted Kennedy to die.  "This is a moral dilemma to many people," said Commie Greenstein, a liberal living in New York.  "Fortunately, most of us don't really make decisions based on any morals, so it's okay if we want one person to die while allowing a brain-dead person to live."

Alcohol manufacturers around the world are scrambling to raise money for the "Keep Kennedy Alive" fund.  Removing his feeding tube is predicted to cause a 12% annual decrease in global alcohol consumption.  Some manufacturers risk going out of business as soon as the feeding tube is removed.