PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy? "Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton?


Titanic: $29.99

Clinton: $29.99


Titanic: Over 3 hours to read

Clinton: Over 3 hours to read


Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe

Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe


Titanic: Jack is a starving artist

Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist


Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar

Clinton: Ditto for Bill


Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined

Clinton: Ditto for Monica


Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit

Clinton: Let's not go there


Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry

Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts


Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life

Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack


Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen

Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there either


Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death

Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same