Southern Horoscopes

Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people
that read them. If they are to ever fully understand all the star
signs and the people they represent, they need symbols that all true
Southerners understand: See the list below...
OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the
inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back
over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can
do something good each day if you try.
CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated
and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful they
may surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with
Catfish and Okra.
BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity.
You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need
to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are
very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to
stay busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is
going to marry you, so don't worry about it.
MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of
time on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance
of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry
anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not
going to be easy. You always have a big smile and are happy. This
might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties,
possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
psychologically healthy, but it seems to work for you. You are a rare
breed. Most folks love to watch you work and play. You are a night
person and mind your own business.
CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in
an office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the
beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub
to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive
physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence
with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social
workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal
life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't
work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of
the heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones.
You Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You
work and play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the
clear surface of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish
should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a
club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy,
bacon, butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where
they have all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in
BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help
your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends
and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and
their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much
softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody
you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the
road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and
stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter
Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel
at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody.
However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough
exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good
evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's
fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today.
You're almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns.