Let's Retire at the Hilton
(Kudos to the anonymous writer for his logic.)
 
 
"No nursing home for me! I'm checking into the Hilton. With the average
cost for a nursing home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when
we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the
Hilton. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's
$49.23 per night. That leaves .... $138.77 a day for:
 
1. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
 
2. Laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
 
Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer,
etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and
soap. They treat you like a customer, not a patient. $5.00 worth of tips a
day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
 
There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. The handicap bus
will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). To meet other nice
people, call a church bus on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the
airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While
you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building
up.
 
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes.
Hilton will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place
forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city. Want to
see Hawaii? They have a Hilton there, too...the wonderful Hilton Hawaiian
Village and Spa.
 
TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No
problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience. The Inn
has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you
are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall
and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Hilton will upgrade you
to a suite for the rest of your life.
 
And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find
you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. The grandkids can
use the pool. What more can you ask for?
 
So, when I reach the golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all
my e-mails to the Hilton!"
 
Upon telling this story at a dinner with friends and too much red wine, we
came up with even more benefits the Hilton provides to retirees:
 
Most standard rooms have coffeemakers, easy chairs with ottomans, and
satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a
good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take
a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people
every day. Many Hilton's even feature live entertainment on the weekends.
Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free Program.
You can invite your grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with
you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.
 
If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings,
in a Hilton you'll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms
all look the same.
 
And if you're getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never
have to worry about not finding your room--your electronic key fits only one
door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
 
I told Stephen Bollenback, CEO of Hilton this story. I'm happy to report
that he was positively ecstatic at the idea of us checking in for a year or
more at one of their hotels. Stephen said we could have easily knocked them
down to $40 a night!
 
See you at the Hilton...and not just for a "Bounce Back Weekend"...but for
the rest of our lives!