Done any bitch slapping lately??


I haven't done any bitch slapping in a long time. My hand is all rested up and I'm raring to go. Just to get started - here are the leaders on my list - LP

Bill Clinton - I just want to bitch slap him because he is such a fucking pussy. Whap!

Hillary Clinton for putting out a book that was filled with bullshit. The smartest woman in the world didn't know her husband was cheating on her? What a crock of shit. Come over here Hillary. Whap!

What ever happened to the Dixie Chicks? You remember them dontcha? They pissed off their fan base by badmouthing the president while they were in Europe. Duh! Country and Western fans live in those red states. They say they are now gonna be rock stars. Good luck twits! Can't wait for your first rock album. I got a present for each of you.Whap! Whap! Whap!

On to Whoopi Goldberg. Ya ever notice that whenever celebrities have to pay the consequences for saying sumpin' stupid they yell gummint censorship? Whoopi, let me 'splain how this cause and effect shit works. You make vulgar remarks about the president. Slimfast thinks that may make a lot of their customers not want to buy their product if you're their spokesperson. They fire your worthless ass. The gummint had nothing to do with it. Whoopi, you're an idiot. Whap!

Linda Ronstadt. She decided that she was gonna recommend Michael Moore's movie to her audience when she performed at the Aladdin in Las Vegas. They didn't take too kindly to that. She got booed off the stage. Posters were ripped down. Cocktails were thrown. She was escorted out of the casino by management and was not even allowed to go back to her luxury suite. Linda, the people came to listen to you sing, not to listen to you talk politics. Whap!

Speaking of that fat bastard Michael Moore, I hope he is proud that Hizbollah really likes his film and is distributing it in Lebanon. He is a fat, socialist, un-American asshole. Whap!

Queasy Mfume and Julian Bond. Let's see. You call the president a thug. You say he is a member of the Taliban wing of the Republican Party and then you wonder why he won't come speak at your convention. GMAFB! Who in their right mind would show up after all that abuse? Fuck you! Whap!

Corinne Brown, representative from Florida who with other moonbat Dimocrat congresscritters asked for the United Nations to supervise this year's presidential election because of the "coup d'etat" staged by the Republicans in 2000. Dammit! Only Dimocrats are allowed to steal elections. How dumb must the people in her district be to have elected this barking moonbat? I'm beginning to think we should have literacy and civics tests before people can vote. That would wipe out over half the Dimocrat electorate right there. I got an idea. Why don't we send Jimmah Carter down to oversee the elections? Since he can't find his ass with his hands anything could happen. Corinne, maybe this could knock some sense into your empty head. Whap!

Jimmah Carter. What a dickhead. The only reason he got the Nobel Peace Prize was to insult America. He should have told 'em to stick it up their asses. Stay away from killer rabbits Jimmah. Whap

John Fonda Kerry. I don't give a shit that you served in Viet Nam. I'm just wondering why you are not running on your liberal record in the Senate. You are a lying sack of shit! And can you ever pander. Let's see I've heard that you learned how to cuss on a tractor. Got lots of them at Swiss boarding schools. And you like to go deer hunting with a 12-gauge shotgun crawling around on your stomach trying to outsmart the deer. Most deer hunters don't crawl around on their stomachs and I've yet to hear of one who uses a shotgun. Who does this asshole think he is? A Massachusetts version of Bill Clinton? Whap!

John "Baby Face' Edwards. You're a slimy trial lawyer. How many doctors have you put out of business? How much have all your lawsuits made insurance premiums, and thus the cost of health care, rise? And you took one third of all the money. Hey Senator "Man of the People", how much does a half gallon of milk cost? When asked that question he didn't know the answer. Whap!